So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize