dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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