Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
