Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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