U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
