my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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