69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
