I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
