So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
