Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
