why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I came so hard my ears popped.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
