I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
