Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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