Only a mothe r could love this liver
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
