every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
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We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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