I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
