I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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