I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
