i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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