??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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