You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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