Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
