wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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