My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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