cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
