My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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