it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
