Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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