im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
