so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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