i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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