Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
