the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
