Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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