i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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