Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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