Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
