You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
