I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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