just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
