I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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