He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
