she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
honey bunches of taint.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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