You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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