life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
