brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
