i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
