Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
