guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
