How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I forget how to act sober
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
