Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
