just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
