He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
