I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The power of my boobs compel you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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