Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
