So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
