I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
