ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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