Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
