does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
