So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
