He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
