i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
