omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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