yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
