census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
