Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
