Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
