how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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