it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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