He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
