Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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