i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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